Well, wouldn’t you know! Now that I’ve decided to do this writing thing again my brain is like,
What are words?
and my memory is like,
I remember nothing.
I was up last night scrolling the notes on my phone and so many of them say “no additional text” as in, I started a note but added nothing.
My brain, my memory, my phone. All are failing me.
This is perimenopause.
Most nights, I read before bed. I take a supplement to help my mind calm down, which you’d think I wouldn’t need considering there seems to be no thoughts there to begin with. I read until I can’t hold my eye lids open anymore, then I sleep. I sleep until I have to pee. And it’s a sleep, wake, pee cycle through the night until my alarm goes off.
Kinda like the moms doing the eat, play, sleep cycle with their babies, except it’s the mid-life version.
Even now as I sit here looking at my computer screen, my eyes are doing funny things and I’m having to adjust the lighting and look off into the distance every once in a while. I’m just glad I have an eye appointment next week.
This is perimenopause.
I was scrolling through my notes trying to jog my memory. Listen, I’m well aware of what the blue light will do to my circadian rhythm and melatonin production and such, which is why I hardly slept last night, which is also why I unintentionally said “few noods” instead of “new foods” while teaching about resources in our environment to my 4th graders today. Thankfully, the only person that chuckled was me and it was purely out of shock at what came out of my mouth.
But what I’m getting at here is that after a lot of searching through notes in the sleep-disrupting blue light, I found a quote I’ve loved for a very long time, and fell in love with it long before I even read it in context.
And now I’m looking for it again and I can’t find it. Cue the elevator music. BRB.
Found it.
When I read this quote many years ago, I remember thinking to myself that if or when I ever write a book, I want these words inside the front cover as the tie that binds every chapter.
“The story of your life will be the story of prayer and answers to prayer.”
-Ole Hallesby, Prayer
What else is there to write about? I want my life to be marked by prayer and answers to those prayers—that there may be nothing distinguishable between my life and the prayers I’ve prayed or that others have prayed for me.
I may be living in a yes.
I may be living in a not yet.
I may be living in a no, but trust Me.
Knowing that I’m living in the answers to prayers reminds me that everything is working out according to what God planned for my life. All of it is good, even if it doesn’t seem to be good. It’s also a reminder that God hears and answers the prayers I’ve prayed. I don’t pray with faith in an answer I hope to receive. I pray with faith in the Person who hears my prayers and will do nothing less than answer it in the best way, for my good and His glory.
The story of my life is the story of prayer and answers to prayer.
Put it on my headstone.
Amen.
I had vowed to write down the answered prayers and Christian legacy of The Milstead family as I have witnessed. Sadly I have not.
You have an enviable, expressive and transparent nature that allow readers to feel your writing!
I am going to get sappy here ~ get ready ~ your grandparents bragged on you and shared your writing with me very early on. That is how I began reading your 1st blogs.
I have mentioned before " never stop writing! " God has given you a beautiful gift - real, relatable, bringing focus back to HIM. A gift of continuing a part of The Christian Legacy in a long line of Milsteads ( Wrights and VKs, I suspect ).
Words will come.
And they will bless us all.